HOBaRT for a Day
by Gradeon
Summary: A story based off of the SiIvagunner lore. After HOBaRT is eliminated in the KFAD tournament, he focuses on perfecting his cooking skills and meeting new friends. But, he eventually uncovers an inter-dimensional conspiracy that threatens human civilization and the concept of creativity itself. HOBaRT and his new friends will have to fight for the truth. Obama is in this too.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

President Barack Obama and Republican Nominee Mitt Romney were facing each other a second time. Romney was determined to undo the humiliation he endured back in the twilight of 2011 leading up to the 2012 election. As we all know, Obama annihilated him in an epic rap battle. The two candidates faced each other onstage in a conference room at the Gaylord National Hotel and Resort, only miles away from D.C. Romney practiced every single day after his defeat. His rap skills were at least ten times better now. The beat started playing over the speakers, Romney was readying his verse, and the crowd was silent with anticipation.

Despite all the training, as soon as he opened his mouth, Romney was completely silent. There's always a risk of choking in a rap battle, but this wasn't a choke. He knew exactly what he was going to say for his first verse as soon as he got to the hotel. And yet, he couldn't say anything. Not only that, he couldn't move at all. Nothing else was moving either; the whole world was frozen around him. Everything was frozen except President Obama, who took a step toward Romney. Obama said to him, "You see, the game was rigged from the start. I'm the one who's keeping the world frozen right now. The truth of the matter is that I can control memes. I can harness the energy of cultural interaction, the spread of ideas and feelings. I've had this power inside of me for a while. I subconsciously used it during the last two elections." Obama unfroze his opponent who replied, "Are saying you manipulated the votes with magic? That has to be unconstitutional!"

Obama replied, "I disagree, my powers are fueled by the will of the people. I won because the American people wanted me to win. Besides, both of our parties engage in gerrymandering whenever they can. Is this any worse than that?"

"You have a point, but why can't I use that power?"

"Well, this will be hard for you to believe, but an event in the future has effects that reach backwards through time."

"That's impossible."

"It is. Since you have spent time near me, you now have a temporary awareness of timelines. Let me ask you something, who won the 2016 election?"

Romney paused to think and then he said, "That's a trick question, the election is still months awa- Wait, no it was- It was Donald J. Trump!"

"Now you understand. I gained this power because in that old timeline, people made a very strange set of memes about me. They made a 3d model of a pyramid with my face on it, then they did the same with other shapes. It was a sort of tribute to older times for them. All those young college students who were just children when I was elected for the first time. These memes are abstract. They transcend my political beliefs, and portray me as some sort of otherworldly creature."

As Obama was talking to Romney, the incumbent's body was slowly morphing itself into a floating sphere. Romney looked on in horror. Obama continued, "They also used our rap battle as a YTPMV source. Of course, you probably don't know what any of that means. The point is I have this power and you don't. Trump had this power too. He obliterated Hillary Clinton with his memes, but those memes grew stale very quickly. They were unfunny and repetitive, so I kicked his ass and took the universe back to this point in time, right after I went to the 1940's and stopped the 22nd amendment from being passed. Now I can be president for as long as necessary." Romney finally gained the courage to question the eldritch abomination in front of him. "Necessary? Necessary for what?" he demanded. Obama replied, "This power can only be kept under control for so long. More people will gain abilities like mine. Their powers will grow to the point where people can collectively create living, breathing, figments of imagination in physical reality. I saw it happen in the future"

White light filled the entire room. Mitt Romeny couldn't see anything for a few seconds, then the light subsided. Obama had transported them to Washington D.C, but something was seriously wrong. They stood in the National Mall, facing the Washington Monument which was laying on its side. The cityscape around them was in chaos. There were abandoned vehicles in the streets with people running away from the city as fast as they could. D.C always had traffic issues and the mass evacuation wasn't helping, so it made sense for them to continue on foot. Police officers, military personnel, and various government agencies tried to keep order as they fought against the figments that Obama had mentioned. The figments were impossible things; fictional characters come to life. Their abilities exceeded what should be possible. Regeneration, superspeed, and flight were some of their abilities. Romney looked on in disbelief as he saw America's capital ravaged by anime girls, incomprehensible memes, and video game characters.

Obama said, "I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but essentially our cultural energy was drained by some adversary beyond our reality. Human culture is being destroyed as we speak. In a few hours… America will cease to exist as a nation." The white light returned and consumed the area around them.

Obama asked, "Do you understand now? Why I have to extend my presidency? I'm the only memelord strong enough to save the United States from destruction."

"Yes, I see. You're plan is to use your power to control the formation of figments."

"Exactly. I will make it happen at a slower rate, and I'll make sure they get introduced to the world properly. I'm going to take us back to our timeline. Now, I will spare you the humiliation of kicking your ass in a rap battle the second time, so I'll just skip to the inauguration of my third term."

The white light dissipated and Mitt Romney found himself at home sitting on his couch. The TV was on. It was tuned to a live newsfeed of Obama's third inaugural address.


	2. Chapter 1

**An Invitation for a Mixer**

_3 years later…_

Somewhere in Australia, a secret Hobart research facility was built. Inside, Australia's most famous mashup artists, and smartest technicians were working on a brand new method of creating high quality rips. After years of research and development, their prototype was ready. The Hyper Operative Baking and Ripping Technology (HOBaRT) was ready. It's circuit board possessed memetic properties that enhanced its processing power. This allowed the Hobart programmers to write a self-aware AI program that could run on a kitchen mixer. It was necessary to give the mixer sentience as music could only be manipulated by an entity that could appreciate music. Any normal computer could generate music and mashups with machine learning algorithms, but only a memetically enhanced AI could transmute music into physical matter and literally mix it.

One of the technicians walked towards HOBaRT and pressed the power button. The mixing attachment spinned rapidly. The technician dropped a _Mario 7 in 1_ bootleg Nintendo cartridge into the mixing bowl. HOBaRT shattered it instantly and somehow turned the mixture of plastic and circuitry into a glowing yellow liquid that DID NOT smell like piss. It was the Essence of Flinstone. The bowl was taken from HOBaRT by none other than Lil Jon, who then handed it off to the other technicians so they could bottle the liquid into vials for later use. HOBaRT was wheeled outside and taken to a limousine. Once they were inside, he whirred questioningly. Lil Jon then told him, "I got a letter for you man." It was already opened for HOBaRT. The mixer read it somehow, despite not having eyes, while Lil Jon held it in front of HOBaRT. That was just another mystery about the existence of figments. The letter read the following:

Congratulations Hyper Operative Baking and Ripping Technology,

You are invited to be a contestant in the King for Another Day (KFAD) tournament as one out of thirty-two contestants. You will compete in the art of memetic combat using arrangement of musical sources that suit your unique self. The prize is a single day as the host of the SiIvagunner YouTube channel, where you will get the chance to submit high quality rips featuring your own sources. We hope to see you there this summer. There is also a fighter registration packet enclosed in the envelope. It contains more information about transportation,registration, and your all expense paid stay at the GaylordTM National Hotel and Resort.

We hope you're excited, after all if you're here, you're the best of kind.

Sincerely, _John Notwoodman_


	3. Chapter 2

**New Hires at The Gaylord Hotel**

The interviewer looked at the list of applicants on her desk:

Paul Blart - The hero of the West Orange Pavilion Mall

Skills: dodging bullet, non-lethal takedowns, operation of a Segway

Notes: has been diagnosed with hypoglycemia, must be provided with glucose tablets.

ACCEPTED

Pink Guy - Musician who journeys the, "Ominverse", whatever the hell that is.

Skills: marksmanship, physical combat, cooking, rapping

Notes: An insufferable edgelord.

ACCEPTED - He is so disgusting that his presence can neutralize any threat.

Garfield - Fat orange cat

Skills: pushing Odie of the table, eating all the lasaga lasagna.

Notes: He is fat

REJECTED - Reason: Refuses to work on Mondays.

She sighed with disdain and took a swig of wine from the bottle under her desk to prepare herself for another work day dealing with figments. The new team of security guards would be ready for training tomorrow. And the KFAD tournament would be starting in a few months.


	4. Chapter 3

**The Abomination Receives an Invitation**

Missingno looked at the invitation that was handed to it. There was a red wax seal with the initials "SG" emblazoned on it. Not wanting to break the pretty seal, Missingno took the letter out of the envelope, but the envelope was never opened in the process.

Wait that doesn't make any sense.

Missingno paced around the beach for hours thinking. The mass of pixels did not know it was ready to reveal itself to the world after all these years in hiding. A memory of the past gnawed at its mind. Years ago, Missingno was discovered.

A young trainer found him on the beach. Missingo allowed itself to be caught by the trainer after a battle against the starter Squirtle sent out to fight. Missingno was pleased to be in the hands of such an enthusiastic trainer. The young boy took the pokeball containing it into town to show the folks there the cool, new, rare pokemon that didn't even show up on the pokedex. He went to the pokecenter to get his other pokemon healed up and talked to the nurse about his latest catch. She asked the trainer, "What pokemon is it?"

The trainer replied, "It doesn't have a name. I discovered him, or maybe it's a her. I can't really tell."

"Oh, can you let your new pokemon out to show me what they look like?"

The trainer nodded and released Missingno. The nurse screamed and ran away. Missingno had never heard a noise like that before. The glitch pokemon was startled and accidentally rearranged some nearby furniture with its power. Everyone in the center panicked and they all ran away, including the trainer. Missingno was afraid and upset. Similar situations occurred throughout its life and as a result the decision was made to isolate itself from others.

That all changed when SIIVA handed the invitation to it, despite the terrifying power that Missingno possessed. The polite thing to do would be to attend. The folks at SiIvaGunner were so insistent after all.


End file.
